Sunday, April 11, 2010

Where I Stand

Here I am after a good amount of Jamal time. I have thought some things out, talked to God , and worked some things through. I'm feeling pretty good to be honest. The weight that was on my shoulders has lifted and i'm feeling great! One thing I noticed though is that i have been neglecting my friends here on campus. They had seen the changes in me and were getting concerned. They took care of me, made me laugh, hung out, cooked, and all that Jazz =) I have some amazing friends here and I thank God for them! Just need to do better and be more available for them. At times i shut myself in my room away from everyone else, but I can't do everything alone. Thanks my friends for helping me through this weird time of growth in my life right now.

On that same note, I also made a few hasty decisions that I kind of regret... I mean I know why I made some of them, but the process that decided needed to happen was so abrupt. The change has been hard, but I feel it was necessary. Sometimes you feel yourself growing far too close to the wrong things when your focus should be on God first....but maybe i could have gone about it another way lol. Anyway, I'm still being worked on. Stick with me for a little while longer.

Love ya


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Is there a better me?

Since I've had this account I have mainly been putting up things about how I need to change in order to grow up, etc. Post after Post says the same thing pretty much. I'm sick and tired of it. I have noticed a steady decline of the man I used to be. Some things for the better, some for the worse. I really don't know what is going on to tell the truth, and it scares me... I apparently don't like change because it's freaking me out.

A few things I feel I need to work on .. First off!!! My freaking addiction to the internet. Not so much an addiction as it is feeling the need to be connected with my friends. Who knew that I would get on youtube and make friends. Not just people I occasionally talk to, but true friends. So i have seen myself spending wayyy too much time online, watching their vids, talking to them, etc. So I'm attempting to make this change. Another thing is how it seems I use certain friends up of every last drop when I "need" them. I feel i should stop running straight to my friends (though i know they are here to help) and run FIRST to God! Most of my friends usually point me back in that direction as it is. Thanks for that to those that have been here for me =)
The last thing is this little bitter mean lazy person that has been showing his face here a lot recently. I'm not sure if you are familliar with the show The Boondocks, but I had what is referred to as a "Nigga Moment" yesterday. It wasn't that bad, but I completely stepped outsided of myself and stooped to the level of the individual that provoked me. I haven't had an outburst like that since middle school, and here I am 23 falling back. I've also had rude things to say about people , things that used to stay in my mind I feel the need to share with people ...sorry about that. And the lazy thing... been slacking here in the past months in school. Don't know what's up, but i can't allow that to keep happening.

So, there is a quick look into my head and a few things that I feel I need to work on. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself... I mean we are all human. But I feel so weighed down at the moment so I'm just going to try and fall back, strip my self of the old and come back refreshed. If I distance myself I apologize =( but I'll be back a better me.

Love ya