Is this what I should be doing?

It's been a few months since my last post. Shame on me. Well I have been VERY busy since my last post. I went to New York to sing at Carnegie hall in June, and was in summer school finishing up a few classes so I could student teach this semester.

You know there comes a time in everyone's college career that you start to wonder "Is this really what I want to do?" This thought raced through my mind on many occasions. 5 years of music theory, music history, music literature, etc really took a toll on me! I was mentally drained and so tired of music to be honest. As my student teaching semester approached I started to really question my decision in career path. I started my student teaching August 17th when I reported to my Elementary assignment during teacher prep week. There I met my mentor teacher who was very nice. She introduced me to the rest of the staff that week. I felt right at home with them which is a good thing, but no students were there. The weekend before the students came to the school thoughts of doubt clouded my mind again. I was wondering if I was good enough to teach these kids, had I really learned what I needed in school to be an effective teacher? Only time would tell.

The students finally came in. My first week I was just observing and jotting down ideas and things I might try. Week 2 I actually got to do warm-ups for the kids. It was cool to see the kids enjoy some of the things I had come up with. Then from week 3 until this past week I taught more and more classes, even some entire days! After teaching for 7 weeks , seeing the students learning because of me and lessons that I came up with, I was happy. Seeing the kids smiling faces every day and seeing them happy to come in for another day of music with Mr. Walker was great! Teaching just feels natural to me, I honestly felt right at home in front of the classroom. I guess all the hours of education paid off =)

This last week was my final week of student teaching in Elementary School. It was hard to tell the kids I was leaving. They were all sad about the fact I was already leaving. I can't count the number of sad faces I saw, and hugs I received. One class asked their teacher if they could come and say bye to me. They all filed in and gave me a huge group hug. I honestly almost shed a tear because I'm really REALLY going to miss them. The funny thing about it all is the fact that I have always wanted to teach High School, not Elementary school. After 7 weeks in elementary, I'm not so sure! I loved my experience there. Now starting Tuesday, I'm heading to my High School assignment. We shall see how this goes, but if it's anything like teaching in elementary school I'm sure I'll love it.

I know for sure this is what God put me here for. Teaching and being a positive impact on kids is such a rewarding thing. Though the work is hard and tiring, doing the best for the kids and their reactions, and positivity is fuel to keep me moving.

You never know

Wow, it's been a while since I posted here. THE SEMESTER IS OVER!!! I had been busy, and a freaking mess upstairs this semester. Maybe slight depression... I don't know. I had more ups, and downs than the Judge Roy Scream. (six flags over Texas... go there) LOL lame jokes aside, it took a good friend to hit me with some reality for me to take control again. You know who you are, thanks much for the kick in the ass.

NOW I just got back from my final (full) semester at Texas A&M University-Commerce. It's been a hard 5 years, but i'm done with the campus stuff. I'm mostly a quiet dude, keep to myself and my circle of friends. Sometimes i don't want to see anyone and am a hermit in my room, just depends on the day. but I NEVER thought I was a big deal to anyone. I felt I was just Jamal. Who knew that the little things i did and s aid meant so much to some of my friends? My last few days on campus, I had a couple people tell me how much they appreciated my friendship and such. A good friend of mine that is about 19 said I was something like a mentor to him. Apparently how i always told him to think stuff out and not be irrational helped him stay out of trouble. He also tole me that "Commerce isn't going to be the same without Jamal" Another of my friends gave me a 3 page letter the night before I left. In the letter she was talking about all the fun times we have had over the 3 years of our friendship. She remembered such details and things from when we first met, all the way to things this semester. It blew my mind to read that letter and see the small things that mean sooo much to her. This is seriously something I can read at anytime and it will put a smile on my face. :)

I share these things just to bring to your attention the fact that the little things you do and say effect others. Do you want your effect to be positive or negative? The choice is yours!

Where I Stand

Here I am after a good amount of Jamal time. I have thought some things out, talked to God , and worked some things through. I'm feeling pretty good to be honest. The weight that was on my shoulders has lifted and i'm feeling great! One thing I noticed though is that i have been neglecting my friends here on campus. They had seen the changes in me and were getting concerned. They took care of me, made me laugh, hung out, cooked, and all that Jazz =) I have some amazing friends here and I thank God for them! Just need to do better and be more available for them. At times i shut myself in my room away from everyone else, but I can't do everything alone. Thanks my friends for helping me through this weird time of growth in my life right now.

On that same note, I also made a few hasty decisions that I kind of regret... I mean I know why I made some of them, but the process that decided needed to happen was so abrupt. The change has been hard, but I feel it was necessary. Sometimes you feel yourself growing far too close to the wrong things when your focus should be on God first....but maybe i could have gone about it another way lol. Anyway, I'm still being worked on. Stick with me for a little while longer.

Love ya

Jamal

Is there a better me?

Since I've had this account I have mainly been putting up things about how I need to change in order to grow up, etc. Post after Post says the same thing pretty much. I'm sick and tired of it. I have noticed a steady decline of the man I used to be. Some things for the better, some for the worse. I really don't know what is going on to tell the truth, and it scares me... I apparently don't like change because it's freaking me out.

A few things I feel I need to work on .. First off!!! My freaking addiction to the internet. Not so much an addiction as it is feeling the need to be connected with my friends. Who knew that I would get on youtube and make friends. Not just people I occasionally talk to, but true friends. So i have seen myself spending wayyy too much time online, watching their vids, talking to them, etc. So I'm attempting to make this change. Another thing is how it seems I use certain friends up of every last drop when I "need" them. I feel i should stop running straight to my friends (though i know they are here to help) and run FIRST to God! Most of my friends usually point me back in that direction as it is. Thanks for that to those that have been here for me =)
The last thing is this little bitter mean lazy person that has been showing his face here a lot recently. I'm not sure if you are familliar with the show The Boondocks, but I had what is referred to as a "Nigga Moment" yesterday. It wasn't that bad, but I completely stepped outsided of myself and stooped to the level of the individual that provoked me. I haven't had an outburst like that since middle school, and here I am 23 falling back. I've also had rude things to say about people , things that used to stay in my mind I feel the need to share with people ...sorry about that. And the lazy thing... been slacking here in the past months in school. Don't know what's up, but i can't allow that to keep happening.

So, there is a quick look into my head and a few things that I feel I need to work on. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself... I mean we are all human. But I feel so weighed down at the moment so I'm just going to try and fall back, strip my self of the old and come back refreshed. If I distance myself I apologize =( but I'll be back a better me.

Love ya

~Jamal~

I'm at home!!!

I'm sitting here in the art building at my school with 2 of my friends. She's painting, and my other friend is writing poetry. These are my people, the people that I have been looking for all this time. Since I have been in college, I have had different friends, and groups of people that I hung with, but THESE people bring out the creativity in me. I have had a little creative spirit deep within that has been trampled by all this music theory and classical music. Not that I don't like classical music, because I do. BUT i've reached the point of saturation. I have absorbed so much classical that I kind of feel like my soul is being lost (not religious of course) I have not sung gospel, or much R&B or anything for the longest time. Being around these people I think is part of the "Awakening" that I spoke about in my last post. And I LOVE IT. We are here in the studio listening to Wale, Common, you know people like that. The creativity is flowing and i'm loving it. I think we are going to hit up a poetry spot on Thursday night. Never been to something like it but I REALLY want to go. It should be fun. I hope to awaken the inner poet within. I've felt the high of putting what you feel into words, and I don't want to stop. Who knows, this writing might even lead to me writing music *GASP* Who knows what the future holds? Only God knows. Thanks for listening as always, now I'm going to take in more of this beautiful creativity before I head back to my leach that is classical music...

Jamal

Awakening

I don't know what's been happening with me here lately. I know those words have been typed on this blog before, but this time it's in a good way. I'm still working on the angry bitter bs lol. Anyway, I have been seeing some changes in myself here lately that i never thought i had in me. I have never been one too keen on writing. I mean, for class i would write an essay, bs my way through by lots and lots of pointless elaboration. But for me to just sit down and pour my heart into words, that has never happened.

It started with that freaking poem. OH that poem. I have no idea where the words came from, or why I decided to write a poem anyway. I don't know, but it felt good. I liked writing about what it felt. It in a sense, brought my words to life, released from his cell within to allow more things inside.

And then the 2 count your blessings blogs. I don't know where the first came from. I guess it's just my way of telling myself to stop being petty and grow the hell up. But it's so true, the things i find myself complaining about are often times petty. So it was right on time, and by me expressing those words, I was able to help one of my good friends in a situation he has been going through.

And now of course my last post was another direct emotional out pour, but of a different type this time. No matter the mood, they are all heart felt words that were being said by me.

I don't understand where all of these words have been coming from. Yes, we all have stuff to say, but here lately hey have had a true meaning. These words came to me today "I am a work of art created by God, but this sculpture is far from completion. Continue to work on the blemishes in me God" Why did they pop in my head? I dunno, but they were right on time. It's true I am a wonderful creation of God as we all are. BUT we all have our issues that we need to work on. We can't fix these things on our own, so we need out creator to help us through them. I needed to hear it, and maybe someone else did.

I've never met this more philosophical, Jamal, but he ain't half bad. I hope to keep writing, be it in blog or poem. I like the person that is emerging.

Thanks for listening, and thanks for being part of this awakening.

Jamal

Count Your Blessings : Part 2

I'm just getting back from the hospital from seeing my grandpa. He just had surgery to get rid of colon cancer. The surgery went well, and I'm happy about that. Thank God for the doctor's steady hands and that the surgery was a success. But while in that hospital room, I saw just how helpless my grandfather is.

I remember going down to Mexia Texas every summer to stay with my grandparents. We would go down there to the country and go fish, feed his cows, tend to his fields and gardens. SOO MUCH. My grandfather was a very strong, loud, fun person to be around. I miss those days, the times we spent. The laughs, the scary times in their old "haunted" house haha. Those memories are what make me smile.

My grandfather has been through many surgeries since then. He had cancer before, I don't remember which, but he did have cancer before. He was strong and fought through it because that's just who he is. Another big thing that happened was when he was working in the field alone one day about 10 years ago, he was in a tractor accident, the tractor rolled over his legs. He has since had both of them amputated.

Here recently was the colon cancer thing and the beginning signs of Alzheimer's. Even knowing all of these things have happened to my grandfather, I have always seen him as the same person. The big strong guy that could do anything on his own. Who cares if he was walking on artificial legs or in a wheel chair, he could still do anything!! Well, tonight at the hospital reality struck.

It first set in when me and my dad went to help my granny get the stuff out of the car. We loaded his wheel chair with things to wheel in, the last things to grab in the truck were his artificial legs... I carried those in. It never hit me even though I have seen him without his legs on. But just to be walking through the hospital holding his artificial legs I thought "My grandpa can't walk on his own legs..." Later in the room he was trying to move and reposition himself in his bed, but he couldn't. He could not do it alone. He had to ask for help from my granny just to change position in bed. At their home, there is a pole he can reach up to and use his arms to re-position. He kept reaching for it and realizing it was not there. Seeing my paw paw like this hurt me almost to the point of tears. I wondered "Where is the paw paw I used to go visit?" "Why did all this have to happen to him" "I WANT MY PAW PAW BACK" It really hurts to see, but in all that he has lost and he can no longer do, there is something that God gave him a long time ago that has never left his side. His wife.

My granny has been there, taking care of him since I can remember. She is such a kind, loving, compassionate person. I love her so much. She is the type that will work herself into the ground to make sure everyone else is taken care of. We often get mad at her for doing that to herself, but that's who she is. But seeing her in there tonight taking care of my paw paw put a little smile on my face. To see such love after so many years. I want that, and I know God will provide one day...ONE day haha. It's just great to know that my grandpa has my granny there by his side to take care of him through it all. To be honest, even when he was in tip top shape, I don't think he would have been as strong without her there =) don't tell him I said that lol.

Wow, this is getting long, but I just had so much to say. Though I hate seeing my paw paw in this state, I still have him. I know plenty of people that can't say that. I feel guilty that as I have gotten older, have kind of lost touch. I don't get to see my grandparents as much, and most of the time I don't even think to call. That is so selfish of me to do. I still have all of my grandparents, though I can see their former selves from my childhood memories fading, I still have them. and

For that I am blessed.

Tell the ones closest to you that you love them. Spend time with your family. If you still have your grandparents, don't throw them on the back burner. Cherish them while they are still around. Because you never know when God will call them home.

I love you Arbra Lewis Echols. I see you today, but no matter what I see, I will always remember the good times from my childhood. I hope to make you proud. Stay strong and I'll call you more =)

Jamal

Count Your Blessings

As I sit here on a lazy Thursday afternoon, my mind is kind of racing. As you have seen in prior posts, this year I have been quite bitter, and trying to work on a better me. What's been in my mind today is the fact that we should all count our blessings.

I wake up some days mad at the world, not wanting to get out of bed and complaining about going to an 8am class. But you know, there are some people that didn't wake up from their slumber the night before. There are some that though they have woken up, they can't get up , they can't take care of themselves. They can't afford to go to school to be mad about an 8am class. Just the simple act of opening your eyes in the morning is a blessing in its self.

For that I am blessed!

I complain about being home and having to do chores even though I didn't mess up anything. Some people don't have a home or a loving family to go home to. I have been blessed with 2 amazing, God fearing parents that have been married for 25 years strong! In the world now, alot of people can't say that. These parents do so much for me and my brother and have modeled what true love is between a husband and wife, yet I complain about washing dishes. I love my parents and the beautiful home they have sacrificed so much in order to provide.

For that I am blessed!

From time to time, I find myself complaining about the little things that people do to annoy me, especially the roommate!! haha. But you know, these things are petty. As annoying as my roomie can be, he is really not a bad guy at all. We just have some cultural differences, that's all. I need to start to focus more on the positive people in my life. Those shoulders that I cry on, those people that make me smile and laugh, those people that every time I see or hear from them I get happy. Not everyone has amazing friends in their lives. Ones that are there for you no matter what, but I do.

For that I am blessed!

I guess I'm trying to grow up and grow closer to God. In this process the little petty things are starting to matter less and less. I'm learning this lesson and trying to share it with anyone that may need to hear it. Don't focus on the petty, negative things in life. Focus on the positive uplifting things. Live each day with a kind spirit, not a bitter demon. Even when things seem like they are at their worst, just sit back and think of the things that you have that others may not. Then you too can say.

For that I am blessed!

Jamal

Raw Emotion

I don't know what's going on with me, I'm feelin you but are you feelin me?
Don't know how this came to be, but I can't help but wonder: Is this meant to be?
Sometimes as I sit, I think of you wondering if you are thinking of me too.
Cuz if I'm also on your mind, maybe one day I could call you mine.

I want to tell you how I really feel, but then I wonder: how will she deal?
Will she feel the way I feel or just leave me feeling ill.
I guess what I'm saying is that I fear rejection, that's why I've built this wall of protection.
Protection for my heart, a door with no key, but just maybe...maybe your could forge that key.
You could be the one to free my heart, the one to help give me that jump start.
Because the hardest part in the game of the heart is usually start.

If I could just get the courage to say, that seeing you usually brightens my day.
I love your smile the way you wear you hair, the way that sometimes you just don't care.
Maybe you would say you feel the same way.
I just don't know what I should do, I've liked a few, but never one like you.

So I guess I'm typing here today to let out some things that are just hard to say.
A way to get my emotions from behind this wall. You have the key to make it fall.
All I've got to do is let you know as I'm sure my actions CLEARLY show.
But I've talked enough so now I'm done, But like Mr.3000 "I hope that you're the one"

~Jamal~

Self Analysys

I've been looking at myself lately, and I've gotta say I'm not really happy with the person I've been seeing. On one hand It's regular Jamal, and on the other it's this ugly, bitter, mean person that has been trying to take over. For those of you that I speak with on the regular (or if you follow my tweets) you have seen a lot of the ugly side here lately. I have been going through MANY issues with my roommate, but i have not been dealing with them they way I should. As a man, I should be able to stand up and speak on things that I don't feel are working, but that's not what I have been doing.

It is human nature to get angry about something and want others to feel angry about that same thing with you. That is what I've been doing. Instead of stopping, praying for strength to talk to my out of line roommate, I have been out of line fussing and cussing to friends and twitter about every small thing that this man does. The things he does ARE pretty bad and disrespectful, but they wouldn't be as bad if i didn't harbor these frustrations up and allow my bitterness to be boosted by others. I came to a realization last night after sending a bitter text to a friend about my situation. Negativity is draining, it is very hard to remain angry at someone for extended periods of time. It is also unfair to take your frustrations and dump them on someone that is probably having a good day. Just think, you are having a wonderful day with friends and you get at text message saying "This damn roommate of mine is getting on my NERVES" You will look and try to make the friend feel better as he/she continues to whine and rant about their issue which brings the other person down. You need friends, but a friend should NOT have to carry all the frustrations that you have. It is just not fair!

I want the other Jamal back. The one that lets small things roll off his back and looks at the good qualities in people. This ugly mug I have had as of late.... NOT GONNA GET IT. So my friends, I thank you for being there for me in my many MANY bitching....I mean ranting sessions, but from now on tell me to STFU and move on. If I can't deal with the problem i don't need to drop a load of negativity on you as well. Life is to short to dwell on things that make you angry....now I just need to go and talk to this roommate of mine HAHA

Much love to you all and God Bless

Jamal

Kindness for Weakness

It's time out for this BS. I don't like confrontation but I also don't like being run over. I have 8am class every day and I try to go to bed by about 12. I actually went to bed right at 12 last night BUT my roommate and his friend decided to be up until ummmm 3am so I couldn't get to sleep until they did... As I was in bed, I sat thinking, "do you understand what sleep is?" and got progressively more angry by the minute. I picked up my mp3 player and tried to listen to some music but could still hear them. Did I mention I am missing my 8am class right now because I woke up late? Hummm... I wonder why! I never said anything to my roomie but i have to because this makes no sense. I'm a light sleeper and these walls are paper thin. Ok, i'm done ranting. Enjoy your day peeps!

"Treat yourself better"

When I look at myself in the mirror I used to see a happy guy that loves his friends and loves himself. Not saying that I don't love myself, because I do. But lately I have been noticing a few things. I am a friend that will build you up when you are down and try to get you through the hard times. I'm the friend that has the shoulder to cry on, the friend to vent to, the friend that listens. I do all these things for my friends and I will not stop. There are times in everyone's lives where you need the help and support of your friends.

Now here is where things have been off. I do these things for people, but when I need help I seem to push people away and go inside my little bubble. I don't understand why I do this to myself. As you know, I have been going through a lot of family stuff since the start of the new year. I have reached out for help BUT I don't allow others to be the friend that I am to them. It took me talking to my friend Jirod (who has pretty much been an umbrella through my current storm) to see how much I downplay myself. I'd tell him something that's going on with the fam and he would be there to pray and help build me back up. I allow it for a while then what do I do? I apologize for bringing my stress into his life and tell him not to worry about me.

Another thing I've noticed is the fact that I don't accept compliments well. Someone could tell me " I think you are a great singer." and I'll downplay it and say something like "Oh I'm not that good, i messed up that one note" I can never just say thank you and be boosted up. Why do i do this to myself? I just don't understand this!

Why can't I just allow others to be the good friend that I try to be to them? Like I said, EVERYONE needs to be built up sometimes. I do believe I'm part of that everyone, but for some reason in the mind of Jamal, my problems are not important to anyone else. I need to stop the nonsense and just start treating myself better. I need to share some of my love with myself! Crazy thought huh.

Jamal

This semester is taking it's toll...

I don't have much to say tonight, but goodness I'm so tired. This semester has been kicking my butt and it's only week 3. What makes this semester so hard is the fact that its getting close to the end, and I know that I have no choice but to get it done, AND the fact that there is so much going on at home right about now. With the prayer and support of friends, I have been making it through. thanks for that, and keep the prayers a coming! More posts soon. Take it easy peeps

Jamal

Do I matter to myself?

I know the answer to the title is obviously yes, but i say this because at times I suffer when I could easily change the thing that has me suffering. A lot of the time I'd rather go through whatever issue than speak up and risk angering the other person. For example, I now have a roommate this semester. I'm used to sleeping in silence, but he likes to listen to music as he's going to sleep. I know i have 8am classes every day (God help me) and his music was keeping me up. Instead of going and asking him t turn his music down a little bit, I lay in my bed tossing and turning trying to tune it out. I just don't like to anger people. I like to sit back and let things be cool...except in this case things were not cool for me.

I find myself always telling people "you need to work on your self" or "you need to do things for you" and I sit here and don't' even ask my roomie to turn down his music so i can get a good night's rest. There is something wrong with that picture. Well I need to stop that. I am not going to get bitten or anyghing, I know what I need, so I need to go afer those things and do some things fo ME!

Now it's bed time, I asked romie to turn down the music and he did. And guess what, He was not mad or anything.
I'm off to a great start =D

~Jamal~

Can someone you have never physically met truly be considered a friend?

There was a time when i felt that the Internet was only a place to look up codes and video game preview videos etc. Then i got into yahoo messenger and chats. I always kept my guard up because those chat rooms were dangerous you know. As time went on there was the birth of social networking sites. I have made connections with a few people from blackplanet, teenpeeps, and myspace. The people i met on those sites back in middle and high school, i still keep up with them. Some of them on the phone, others just on the computer. Then this past year i have been on Youtube. I have made quite a few friends from that site. When talking to people here on campus and referring to them, I always say my friend said this or that. some times people ask who and when i tell them they don't know em they still ask "Where do you know them from?" When i tell them they give me the weirdest look and automatically say "Those people are crazy."

Why do people believe that everyone that uses the Internet is some kind of crazy person? Yes there are some crazies out there, i can't deny that. But the same can be said about random people on the street. I mean, it's not like i just automatically gave my phone number or personal information to whoever asks online, that would just be dumb. I talk to these people and get to know them online via IM or video ca...sometimes even just voice chat. Point being, i take my time to get to know these people before they are considered friends just like people I know in my physical world.

Some of these internet friends are better friends than people i know in person. I have called for help a few times and they have always been there to support me. Not that they are the only ones that are there, but my internet friends have habits like me, and i know i can find them on the computer, sometimes late at night. Some of these internet friends I even comunicate with via text and call on a regular bases. It is my goal to meet all my internet friends in person one day. That way we are truly friends through "normal" standards.

O, i'm laying in bed typing this on my laptop and falling farther and farther into a deep sleep. Sorry this whole think is kind of scatter brain, but ummmm i'm tired so i guess i'm done. I love my friends no mater if i met you in my life, or my net life. The way we met doesn't count, It's all about the quality of friendship, and I can say that all of m friends ALL of them are amazing. I f we are net friends, i hope we can one day meet.
Ok, enough ramble... i'm out

Jamal

Roll with it...

Well, it's my last seester on campus. I have not had a roommate in a year and a half, but this semester I got one. He just moved. He seems nice and all, but I have become selfish in this year and a half. I have gotten used to being able to come home and not have to deal with anyone. If i want to be alone i can come to my dorm ya know. Well, not anymore. My roommate seems nice and all. I just like my alone time at times. For instance, I just got back from hanging with some friends. We did a little drinking and played some wii. I left to be alone, wind down and go to sleep. Well my roomie is here with his friend and they are chatting it up over there. Not overly loud, but i'm used to silence when i try to sleep. call me spoiled, call me picky, but I have just grown accoustomed to my room meaning alone time... I just gotta roll with it and make it work I guess =/

Can't help but wonder why...

Here I am a day before going back to school. There has already been issues with my grandparents here lately. Granny has 2 blocked arteries and an aneurysm and was in the hospital last week. We have seen the start of Alzheimer's in my grandfather. And just now i get news that my grandfather has cancer and it's malignant. As if we weren't going through enough. God has seen my grandfather through cancer before, and I know he can do it again. It's just stressful going through all of this within a few days.

I want to scream....I want to cry....I'm angry....I'm tired... I'm shaking.... GOD WHY?!?!

My emotions are going crazy here right now, as I sit here and type and hold back tears. God give me the strength to deal with this and be strong for my mother's sake. She has been going through so much these past weeks since this is both of her parents i'm talking about. I have to be strong for her sake, she is going to need a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what else to say, All I ask is that you pray for m family in this tough time.

Jamal

You Represent More Than Just You

Yesterday on the news, I saw the remarks that Pat Robertson made about the situation in Hati. I watched in utter disbelief that he would say something like that , and the fact that he is a well known minister.... There you go Pat, make us Christians look like we are heartless douche bags... I'm a Christian but I mean come on! How do you KNOW that these people made a "deal with the devil" and if that was the truth, how would you know God's reasoning? It's people like you that give all Christians a bad name. Instead of saying "it's your own fault" you should be trying to help in some way. Get the church together and send donations to the red cross so something can be done. UGH...

Other Christian folk that annoy me are the ones that sit there and condemn people to hell and stuff.. Only God can judge.. GO SIT DOWN. You can tell people what the word of God says and go on about your business. It is our job to spread the gospel, not to make everyone believe it. That is their choice. We can plant the seed, it's not up to us to make it grow. And you most DEFINITELY CAN NOT SAY "You are going to hell ! ...

So I guess all I'm saying is chill out people. You represent more than just yourself!

The Beginning of the Rest of My Life...

Well, I head back to school in about a week. While thinking about what I have left to take, I got kind of scared. As far as classes go, i'll be finished after one summer session. Then next fall I student teach, and graduate *gulp* This is something that I'm both very ready for, and at the same time it scares the crap out of me! Sometimes I sit and think, "How will i do in front of the students?" "Will I teach them the music correctly?" "Am I good enough?" "Did I choose the right major?". I'm thinking these thoughts go through lots of people's heads when they get close to graduation. There is excitement, and there is also doubt.

I need to stop doubting myself, and believe that God has put me here for a reason. Here's how I know I'm supposed to be here. To be a music major, you are supposed to audition before even getting accepted. Did I audition? No I didn't but I was accepted anyway. At orientation we talked to the department head. He was surprised to see a bass there since I didn't audition. He told me they would do a choir placement when school started. Durring the choir placement he heard my voice and was happily surprised. He then escorted me to the front of everyone to let the voice staff hear my voice. They were all impressed and a few weeks later I had a music scholarship. Nothing huge, but it was a scholarship none the less. If that's not God, I don't know what is. Long story short, It's time for me to get rid of the doubt, and start working on the next chapter of my life.

Thanks for listening =)

J-Dunte

Well hello 2010!

Hey everyone, Happy New Year to you! Now I have neer been one to make New Year's Resolutions, because i just don't see the point. It's like you are setting yourself up for failure if you are not really serious about this thing. Who needs a new year to better one's life? Just do it!!

Now for for the point of this blog. Today is January 2nd. I have already noticed a trend in my attitude here lately. Yesterday I was grumpy because I had so much stuff on my mind about what i should be doing with my life, and plans for next semester. I got into a discussion with a friend about these things and he helped me out a great deal. This doesn't change the fact that I spend most of my day grumpy in bed! What a way to start the new year right?

Now today, I started off a ok. Until my parents came home. My mom tends to complain about things no matter what. As soon as she came home she was fussing about little things. I allowed this small thing to completely switch my attitude from happy and laid back, to grumpy. I don't like this trend and I need to get rid of it! This is not a resolution, but just something that i need to do. In order to get rid of this stank attitude, i've got to let go of the petty things that can easily anger me.

~Jamal~