Sunday, February 28, 2010

Self Analysys

I've been looking at myself lately, and I've gotta say I'm not really happy with the person I've been seeing. On one hand It's regular Jamal, and on the other it's this ugly, bitter, mean person that has been trying to take over. For those of you that I speak with on the regular (or if you follow my tweets) you have seen a lot of the ugly side here lately. I have been going through MANY issues with my roommate, but i have not been dealing with them they way I should. As a man, I should be able to stand up and speak on things that I don't feel are working, but that's not what I have been doing.

It is human nature to get angry about something and want others to feel angry about that same thing with you. That is what I've been doing. Instead of stopping, praying for strength to talk to my out of line roommate, I have been out of line fussing and cussing to friends and twitter about every small thing that this man does. The things he does ARE pretty bad and disrespectful, but they wouldn't be as bad if i didn't harbor these frustrations up and allow my bitterness to be boosted by others. I came to a realization last night after sending a bitter text to a friend about my situation. Negativity is draining, it is very hard to remain angry at someone for extended periods of time. It is also unfair to take your frustrations and dump them on someone that is probably having a good day. Just think, you are having a wonderful day with friends and you get at text message saying "This damn roommate of mine is getting on my NERVES" You will look and try to make the friend feel better as he/she continues to whine and rant about their issue which brings the other person down. You need friends, but a friend should NOT have to carry all the frustrations that you have. It is just not fair!

I want the other Jamal back. The one that lets small things roll off his back and looks at the good qualities in people. This ugly mug I have had as of late.... NOT GONNA GET IT. So my friends, I thank you for being there for me in my many MANY bitching....I mean ranting sessions, but from now on tell me to STFU and move on. If I can't deal with the problem i don't need to drop a load of negativity on you as well. Life is to short to dwell on things that make you I just need to go and talk to this roommate of mine HAHA

Much love to you all and God Bless


1 comment:

  1. One thing that I realize, and maybe one day you'll realize it too... If you want something back, you work hard at getting it back, instead of reminiscing about the "old" you, work toward refining a newer you, and just shed that bad old skin. If you find yourself posting the same posts with the same feelings behind them, then there's no progress. Each day, strive to be a better Jamal. That's all we can do man. That's all we can do.