Thursday, February 4, 2010

"Treat yourself better"

When I look at myself in the mirror I used to see a happy guy that loves his friends and loves himself. Not saying that I don't love myself, because I do. But lately I have been noticing a few things. I am a friend that will build you up when you are down and try to get you through the hard times. I'm the friend that has the shoulder to cry on, the friend to vent to, the friend that listens. I do all these things for my friends and I will not stop. There are times in everyone's lives where you need the help and support of your friends.

Now here is where things have been off. I do these things for people, but when I need help I seem to push people away and go inside my little bubble. I don't understand why I do this to myself. As you know, I have been going through a lot of family stuff since the start of the new year. I have reached out for help BUT I don't allow others to be the friend that I am to them. It took me talking to my friend Jirod (who has pretty much been an umbrella through my current storm) to see how much I downplay myself. I'd tell him something that's going on with the fam and he would be there to pray and help build me back up. I allow it for a while then what do I do? I apologize for bringing my stress into his life and tell him not to worry about me.

Another thing I've noticed is the fact that I don't accept compliments well. Someone could tell me " I think you are a great singer." and I'll downplay it and say something like "Oh I'm not that good, i messed up that one note" I can never just say thank you and be boosted up. Why do i do this to myself? I just don't understand this!

Why can't I just allow others to be the good friend that I try to be to them? Like I said, EVERYONE needs to be built up sometimes. I do believe I'm part of that everyone, but for some reason in the mind of Jamal, my problems are not important to anyone else. I need to stop the nonsense and just start treating myself better. I need to share some of my love with myself! Crazy thought huh.


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