Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Do I matter to myself?

I know the answer to the title is obviously yes, but i say this because at times I suffer when I could easily change the thing that has me suffering. A lot of the time I'd rather go through whatever issue than speak up and risk angering the other person. For example, I now have a roommate this semester. I'm used to sleeping in silence, but he likes to listen to music as he's going to sleep. I know i have 8am classes every day (God help me) and his music was keeping me up. Instead of going and asking him t turn his music down a little bit, I lay in my bed tossing and turning trying to tune it out. I just don't like to anger people. I like to sit back and let things be cool...except in this case things were not cool for me.

I find myself always telling people "you need to work on your self" or "you need to do things for you" and I sit here and don't' even ask my roomie to turn down his music so i can get a good night's rest. There is something wrong with that picture. Well I need to stop that. I am not going to get bitten or anyghing, I know what I need, so I need to go afer those things and do some things fo ME!

Now it's bed time, I asked romie to turn down the music and he did. And guess what, He was not mad or anything.
I'm off to a great start =D


Monday, January 25, 2010

Can someone you have never physically met truly be considered a friend?

There was a time when i felt that the Internet was only a place to look up codes and video game preview videos etc. Then i got into yahoo messenger and chats. I always kept my guard up because those chat rooms were dangerous you know. As time went on there was the birth of social networking sites. I have made connections with a few people from blackplanet, teenpeeps, and myspace. The people i met on those sites back in middle and high school, i still keep up with them. Some of them on the phone, others just on the computer. Then this past year i have been on Youtube. I have made quite a few friends from that site. When talking to people here on campus and referring to them, I always say my friend said this or that. some times people ask who and when i tell them they don't know em they still ask "Where do you know them from?" When i tell them they give me the weirdest look and automatically say "Those people are crazy."

Why do people believe that everyone that uses the Internet is some kind of crazy person? Yes there are some crazies out there, i can't deny that. But the same can be said about random people on the street. I mean, it's not like i just automatically gave my phone number or personal information to whoever asks online, that would just be dumb. I talk to these people and get to know them online via IM or video ca...sometimes even just voice chat. Point being, i take my time to get to know these people before they are considered friends just like people I know in my physical world.

Some of these internet friends are better friends than people i know in person. I have called for help a few times and they have always been there to support me. Not that they are the only ones that are there, but my internet friends have habits like me, and i know i can find them on the computer, sometimes late at night. Some of these internet friends I even comunicate with via text and call on a regular bases. It is my goal to meet all my internet friends in person one day. That way we are truly friends through "normal" standards.

O, i'm laying in bed typing this on my laptop and falling farther and farther into a deep sleep. Sorry this whole think is kind of scatter brain, but ummmm i'm tired so i guess i'm done. I love my friends no mater if i met you in my life, or my net life. The way we met doesn't count, It's all about the quality of friendship, and I can say that all of m friends ALL of them are amazing. I f we are net friends, i hope we can one day meet.
Ok, enough ramble... i'm out


Saturday, January 23, 2010

Roll with it...

Well, it's my last seester on campus. I have not had a roommate in a year and a half, but this semester I got one. He just moved. He seems nice and all, but I have become selfish in this year and a half. I have gotten used to being able to come home and not have to deal with anyone. If i want to be alone i can come to my dorm ya know. Well, not anymore. My roommate seems nice and all. I just like my alone time at times. For instance, I just got back from hanging with some friends. We did a little drinking and played some wii. I left to be alone, wind down and go to sleep. Well my roomie is here with his friend and they are chatting it up over there. Not overly loud, but i'm used to silence when i try to sleep. call me spoiled, call me picky, but I have just grown accoustomed to my room meaning alone time... I just gotta roll with it and make it work I guess =/

Friday, January 15, 2010

Can't help but wonder why...

Here I am a day before going back to school. There has already been issues with my grandparents here lately. Granny has 2 blocked arteries and an aneurysm and was in the hospital last week. We have seen the start of Alzheimer's in my grandfather. And just now i get news that my grandfather has cancer and it's malignant. As if we weren't going through enough. God has seen my grandfather through cancer before, and I know he can do it again. It's just stressful going through all of this within a few days.

I want to scream....I want to cry....I'm angry....I'm tired... I'm shaking.... GOD WHY?!?!

My emotions are going crazy here right now, as I sit here and type and hold back tears. God give me the strength to deal with this and be strong for my mother's sake. She has been going through so much these past weeks since this is both of her parents i'm talking about. I have to be strong for her sake, she is going to need a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what else to say, All I ask is that you pray for m family in this tough time.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

You Represent More Than Just You

Yesterday on the news, I saw the remarks that Pat Robertson made about the situation in Hati. I watched in utter disbelief that he would say something like that , and the fact that he is a well known minister.... There you go Pat, make us Christians look like we are heartless douche bags... I'm a Christian but I mean come on! How do you KNOW that these people made a "deal with the devil" and if that was the truth, how would you know God's reasoning? It's people like you that give all Christians a bad name. Instead of saying "it's your own fault" you should be trying to help in some way. Get the church together and send donations to the red cross so something can be done. UGH...

Other Christian folk that annoy me are the ones that sit there and condemn people to hell and stuff.. Only God can judge.. GO SIT DOWN. You can tell people what the word of God says and go on about your business. It is our job to spread the gospel, not to make everyone believe it. That is their choice. We can plant the seed, it's not up to us to make it grow. And you most DEFINITELY CAN NOT SAY "You are going to hell ! ...

So I guess all I'm saying is chill out people. You represent more than just yourself!

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Beginning of the Rest of My Life...

Well, I head back to school in about a week. While thinking about what I have left to take, I got kind of scared. As far as classes go, i'll be finished after one summer session. Then next fall I student teach, and graduate *gulp* This is something that I'm both very ready for, and at the same time it scares the crap out of me! Sometimes I sit and think, "How will i do in front of the students?" "Will I teach them the music correctly?" "Am I good enough?" "Did I choose the right major?". I'm thinking these thoughts go through lots of people's heads when they get close to graduation. There is excitement, and there is also doubt.

I need to stop doubting myself, and believe that God has put me here for a reason. Here's how I know I'm supposed to be here. To be a music major, you are supposed to audition before even getting accepted. Did I audition? No I didn't but I was accepted anyway. At orientation we talked to the department head. He was surprised to see a bass there since I didn't audition. He told me they would do a choir placement when school started. Durring the choir placement he heard my voice and was happily surprised. He then escorted me to the front of everyone to let the voice staff hear my voice. They were all impressed and a few weeks later I had a music scholarship. Nothing huge, but it was a scholarship none the less. If that's not God, I don't know what is. Long story short, It's time for me to get rid of the doubt, and start working on the next chapter of my life.

Thanks for listening =)


Saturday, January 2, 2010

Well hello 2010!

Hey everyone, Happy New Year to you! Now I have neer been one to make New Year's Resolutions, because i just don't see the point. It's like you are setting yourself up for failure if you are not really serious about this thing. Who needs a new year to better one's life? Just do it!!

Now for for the point of this blog. Today is January 2nd. I have already noticed a trend in my attitude here lately. Yesterday I was grumpy because I had so much stuff on my mind about what i should be doing with my life, and plans for next semester. I got into a discussion with a friend about these things and he helped me out a great deal. This doesn't change the fact that I spend most of my day grumpy in bed! What a way to start the new year right?

Now today, I started off a ok. Until my parents came home. My mom tends to complain about things no matter what. As soon as she came home she was fussing about little things. I allowed this small thing to completely switch my attitude from happy and laid back, to grumpy. I don't like this trend and I need to get rid of it! This is not a resolution, but just something that i need to do. In order to get rid of this stank attitude, i've got to let go of the petty things that can easily anger me.