Is there a better me?

Since I've had this account I have mainly been putting up things about how I need to change in order to grow up, etc. Post after Post says the same thing pretty much. I'm sick and tired of it. I have noticed a steady decline of the man I used to be. Some things for the better, some for the worse. I really don't know what is going on to tell the truth, and it scares me... I apparently don't like change because it's freaking me out.

A few things I feel I need to work on .. First off!!! My freaking addiction to the internet. Not so much an addiction as it is feeling the need to be connected with my friends. Who knew that I would get on youtube and make friends. Not just people I occasionally talk to, but true friends. So i have seen myself spending wayyy too much time online, watching their vids, talking to them, etc. So I'm attempting to make this change. Another thing is how it seems I use certain friends up of every last drop when I "need" them. I feel i should stop running straight to my friends (though i know they are here to help) and run FIRST to God! Most of my friends usually point me back in that direction as it is. Thanks for that to those that have been here for me =)
The last thing is this little bitter mean lazy person that has been showing his face here a lot recently. I'm not sure if you are familliar with the show The Boondocks, but I had what is referred to as a "Nigga Moment" yesterday. It wasn't that bad, but I completely stepped outsided of myself and stooped to the level of the individual that provoked me. I haven't had an outburst like that since middle school, and here I am 23 falling back. I've also had rude things to say about people , things that used to stay in my mind I feel the need to share with people ...sorry about that. And the lazy thing... been slacking here in the past months in school. Don't know what's up, but i can't allow that to keep happening.

So, there is a quick look into my head and a few things that I feel I need to work on. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself... I mean we are all human. But I feel so weighed down at the moment so I'm just going to try and fall back, strip my self of the old and come back refreshed. If I distance myself I apologize =( but I'll be back a better me.

Love ya

~Jamal~